I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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