all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The power of my boobs compel you
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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