I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
