Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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