brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
