I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
