had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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