Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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