Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
