I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
