Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
