I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
