I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
