end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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