My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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