Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Still dying that you shit outside
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
