Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
