So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your penis caused this!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
