Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We don't watch enough power rangers
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
