You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
