the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
