dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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