dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
