Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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