The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
