she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
