I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
