We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
