I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
