Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
