According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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