where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
