I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
