3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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