Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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