I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
