Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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