even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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