The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
