every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
