the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
