I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
