never play flip cup with pint glasses
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
