Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
