I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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