My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So much rum. So many feels.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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