Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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