New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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