did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
