Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
