I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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