i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
