Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
