I will die if light touches me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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