Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
