are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
