I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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