I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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