He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
