well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
