I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
