Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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