Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
