I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
