Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
someone owes me an orgasm
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
