there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
