1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
