Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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